not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
