My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
