umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
