Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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