we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
