I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize