I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
