I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
