you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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