If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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