Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
