okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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