the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
