i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
