Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
