lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
