I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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