It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
