So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
