What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
