OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
