We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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