If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im holly from the hills drunk
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
