My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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