If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
