i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
