A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
