It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
