Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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