I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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