I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
