it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
