Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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