what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
