He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
