Can Purell be used as lube?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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