I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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