someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize