so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
