im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
