I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
