I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
