I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize