people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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