My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were trust falling into bushes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
