her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
