Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
