the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
