I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize