dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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