Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize