She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
