I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
