Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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