They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
