I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
