I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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