I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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