Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
North Korea, Best Korea!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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