if only i could text you this smell
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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