I think i peed on brittanys purse
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
