it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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