Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
