Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize