My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
