wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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