this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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