ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
