today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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