He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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