I hate your face
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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