I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
