When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
