she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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