I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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