rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
