im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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