In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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