I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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