One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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