i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
