I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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