News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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