yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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