They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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