Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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